Distaff Side. (Trixie age 21)

The August 15th, 2014 writing prompt involved the top ten Beatles songs. Although Help was not in the top ten list, it was a good venue to continue the Reflections snippet. I am making no profit from the partial use of this song, nor from the use of the characters from the Trixie Belden series. And many thanks to Vivian and Chey for the editing help. However, I played with the story after their edits, so any errors are and always will be my own. (This was originally posted on Jix in August 2014. However, when it was transferred to the blog, it was tagged as a draft instead of an actual post.)

♬Help, I need somebody

“Why are you here?”

“I was in an abusive relationship.  My boyfriend, well he ...”

“Does your boyfriend hurt you?

“What?  No!  Well not physically.  And he isn’t my boyfriend. Not any more.  We broke up.

♬When I was younger, so much younger than today

“Well, I broke up with him.

“We had basically been together since I was thirteen and he was turning fifteen.  We met when he ran away from his abusive stepfather, a year or so after his mom died.

♬I never needed anybodys help in any way

“I thought he was the most wonderful boy in the world.  He was so smart that he had already earned a college scholarship when he was just fourteen. He could ride horses, and hunt and shoot.  When he was a runaway, he even hooked up an outdoor shower to help him keep clean.
 
“Then, he was adopted by my best friend’s parents.  They gave him a nice home, managed the money his great uncle left him so it would be there when he grew up and they kept him safe and loved. We kinda grew up together after all that. 

♬But now these days are gone, I’m not so self-assured

“I, well both of us really, were too young to realize how his past affected his life.

"He had already lost first his Dad and then his Mom.  And even though he had a new sister and  adoptive parents, he was still so afraid of something else happening that would take the good things away.  So I gave him a lot of latitude when he got over protective.”

♬Now I find, I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.

“When did you break up?”

“A couple of months ago, back in January.

"Whoa, I hadn’t realized that it has been seven months.

 "I broke up with him because not only was he over-protective, but he was arrogant, patronizing, and mostly because he didn’t seem to trust me, even though I never gave him any reason not to.
 

"I looked up the signs of domestic violence because of a class I was taking. When I did, I realized that he showed more than half the indicators of an abuser.

♬And now my life has changed in oh so many ways

“So what have you been doing in the last seven months?”

“I am in my third year of college and I am working as a security guard to supplement my scholarships.”

“So you’re about 21?”

Trixie nodded.

“And you haven’t been dating since the breakup?  Is there any particular reason for that?”

“No, I haven’t dated.  I have had coffee with a couple of guys from my classes, but nothing seemed to click, you know? 

"And maybe...”

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe I am afraid of getting involved all over again with another controlling guy? I don't know.”

♬Help me if you can, I’m feeling down

“Tell me about the other men in your life. Your father, brothers, peers;  are any of them controlling?”

“You have to understand my family before I answer that.  I am the third of four children and the only girl.  My parents both grew up in an age where gender roles were very defined.  Women did household chores, and men did outside chores.

“My parents made my older brothers responsible for me, the way they made me responsible for my youngest brother, Bobby, who just turned 15.  My oldest brother, Brian, is twenty-four and a little over two years older than me. But, since he skipped a year of school, he is three years ahead of me academically.  Then there is my brother Mart.  He is twenty-two and only eleven months older than me, so my family has always joked about us being twins for the thirty-one days between my birthday on the first of May and his  birthday on the first of June.
 
“My parents had the typical double standard of giving my older brothers more privileges because they were boys, than they gave me at the same age.

"I admit, that when I was younger, I made my share of irresponsible decisions, and that I often times rushed headlong into some dangerous situations.  But isn’t part of growing up learning to know the difference between good and bad choices?

"Now my family,  well maybe not so much my brothers but my parents anyway, have gradually started treating me like a responsible adult able to make my own decisions.  I do know they worry, but they are mostly supportive of my career goals.
 "I really think that the parental and sibling rules that I lived with when I was growing up, really affected my self esteem. I think that is why I had such a hard time recognizing the controlling way that Jim treated me.  It wasn't that far off from the way that my family treated me as a teenager.  But, Jim kept on treating me like he thought I was still 13 years old.

“I am in college.  I’m studying Criminal Justice.  I’m in self-defense classes, and I have gotten all of my certifications to legally carry a weapon, a police baton and pepper-spray for my job.  I have learned to be more cautious.  But the training I am receiving will also help me handle dangerous situations that I might encounter when I become a licensed private investigator in a few more years.”

♬Help me, get my feet back on the ground, Won't you please, please help me

“Ok.  You have told me about your father, your brothers, and Jim.  Are there any other men in your life?  Are they controlling?”

“Well,  there is one other guy.  Dan. He isn't controlling at all.    

“I have known him almost as long as I have known Jim. 

"You know, Jim and Dan had some similarities in their background.  They both lost their parents when they were twelve or so.  They both had to survive by their own wits for a time before each of their lives were turned around by new family situations.  But they each adjusted to those challenges in such different ways.  

“After Jim's Dad died, he thought he should be responsible for his mother. But she remarried and then she died. His stepfather was abusive. Jim kept trying to get away, but every time he did, he was dragged back and beaten some more and forced to work on the farm. After he finally did get away, even though he accepted the adoption and his new family, I think, for a while, he accepted it as the lesser of two evils.  Once he began to feel comfortable with his new family, he believed that the only option for his security was to do every thing he could to keep everybody happy and safe.  

“Dan had no control over his parents deaths, either.  He had an abusive stepfather too, but because he didn't think the police or child protective services would believe him about his stepfather, he managed to get away by joining a gang and living on the streets. 

"It wasn’t the best decision, but, he did his best to limit his involvement in the gang as much as possible. He did just enough to be able to get something to eat and have some place to sleep. 

  

"Then he got lucky and fell into a situation that helped him get out of the gang and get a new guardian as well as finding an uncle.  While it took some time for him to settle in with his new guardian, once he did, he was happy.  He knew he was safe and in control of the choice to go forward or to go back.

“Dan is so different from Jim.  He is supportive and he trusts me and it feels like he is always there for me. He makes me laugh.  He makes me happy.  He is on the Sleepyside police force, and he really encourages me in my classes and my training.  He makes me feel smart and cared about.  And sometimes…”

“Sometimes…?”

♬Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

♬And I do appreciate you being 'round

♬Help me get my feet back on the ground

♬Won't you please, please help me

“Sometimes, it feels like there could be more.”